Waves of Love
Healing in the midst of Chaos
It seems our greatest challenges in life can reap the greatest rewards. I don't think it's a coincidence that when we go through a stressful time, it is followed by a time of grace where equally wonderful things happen. In my case, I realized how loved I was, and what a powerful healer unconditional love can be.
I recently went through of the most difficult times of my life when within two weeks I found myself without a partner, selling my dream home and searching for a new home and community, all in the midst of this pandemic. At first, I felt victimized, and experienced intense feelings of helplessness, fear, and anxiety. I was overwhelmed with everything I needed to do and unable to fully accept what had happened. I clung to what was familiar, had difficulty making decisions, and quite literally did not want to leave my home. I had panic attacks that left me unable to do the things that I needed to do to move on, I stuttered uncontrollably and cried until I thought my heart would break. I suppose if I didn't have to move, ( the new owner didn't want to accept me as part of the deal..) I might still be doing those things... but adding homelessness to my situation kept me motivated enough to keep trying, despite a very strong desire to just cling to what I loved and was familiar. I had never experienced such a level of fear before, and after six weeks, I began to be very concerned about my health, and to question my ability to regain my footing. Fortunately, my road to recovery also came about quickly, inspired during a meditation session that helped change my perspective, which in turn initiated my healing in a way that I will never forget.
Like most people, I knew I was loved by my family and close friends, but what I didn't realize was how important and powerful that was in my overall well being. Despite my tenuous state, or maybe because of it, I went through the motion of meditating, I say that, because most days I did not feel my usual connection to spirit. I was very uninspired, until one day, something finally clicked during a guided meditation when I heard the words, " you are loved and you are safe," The moment I heard those words I felt a powerful feeling of release, resonance, and comfort. For over a month, my daughters, sisters, and close friends were calling to check up on me, coming to visit, bringing me food, driving me to look at houses, and offering help in what ever way I needed, all the while listening to me stutter, cry, and experience intense anxiety. They were showing me, with waves of compassion, over and over, that I was loved, I was safe, and would be ok. I remember repeatedly saying that I didn't know who I was... and indeed, I didn't. I had lost myself to a part of me that was fearful, grieving, overwhelmed, and anxious. Even though my family and friends kept reminding me who I was, it didn't resonate until I found a moment of stillness in meditation when I could connect with my inner being, and the knowing that I was loved and safe. It was after that, that I began to heal... I slowly gained back my faith, and began to believe I would get through this challenge, perhaps even thrive as a result.
As I began to really focus on feeling loved and supported by family and friends, I felt a greater sense of safety, had less anxiety, and was more confident in myself. With my focus on where I wanted to be, I saw even greater evidence in my life that yes, I was loved, safe, and taken care of. I began to align with my inner being again, and remember that life is not what happens to us, it is how we think about it. Thankfully, a part of me knew who I was, and what I really desired, even during my worst moments, and so I was drawn, ( a few times kicking and screaming) to buy a home in a beautiful, friendly community that has proven to be a peaceful haven for me where I am making friends, finding wonderful opportunities to do the things I love, while being in closer proximity to my children, and sisters, and tremendous friends. And, as the law of attraction would have it, as I continue to focus on the feelings of being loved, supported and safe, I see more and more evidence of it every day.
Sometimes the most difficult times in life can manifest some of the greatest moments and rewards in life, and this experience has been a great reminder of that. It has helped me to be more compassionate and supportive of people who experience anxiety, and it has brought me to a community where I feel safe and at home, and can experience a lifestyle I have always wanted. It has also helped me to tune in to my inner being more frequently, and thus a wonderful reminder of empowering, spiritual truths that have deepened my faith, and enhanced my ability to create the joy, peace, and love I want in my life.
Dedicated to my friends and family who shone the light of love so brightly, I could not look the other way, and to the spirit within, my eternal, faithful, inspirational beacon. My gratitude knows no end.
You didn't know it
but your unconditional love and kindness,
your compassion
while bearing witness,
freed me,
I was lost
and the light you shone
led me back
to my own heart,
to my own light
and the wisdom and truth
I could not see,
I am loved, and I am safe,
I am free...
