Christmas Memories Remembering Our Loved Ones

   The Christmas season has sneaked up on us once again, filling our world with the smell of gingerbread, the lure of sparkling lights, the sound of familiar carols, and the joy of giving to others. It is a season that ignites not only our humanity, but some of our fondest memories as well.

    Like many people, some of my favourite childhood memories are of Christmas. Once a year, our home was transformed into a magical place where wishes and miracles seemed possible. My mom was our magician, and seemed to really love Christmas. I say that with some uncertainty because it is hard to imagine enjoying all the work that must have gone into making Christmas special for four children, especially with a tight budget, and no little elves to help. If my mom didn't love it, we never knew, for that was the one time of the year spirits ran high and we knew we would be spoiled. We merrily indulged in special treats, watched White Christmas together, (which included our own academy award worthy performances of  "Sisters") and embarked on the annual pilgrimage to find a tree that mom would approve of. Our house was always over decorated with lights, garland, tinsel, and my personal favourite, the words "Merry Christmas" written on the living room mirror with bright red lipstick, my mom's signature, (pardon the pun) festive flourish. Christmas Eve, mom's creativity gave way to a special family tradition ( top secret, book to follow) that her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren still enjoy and look forward to every year.

    My mom passed away many years ago, and I miss her dearly, especially at Christmas. She is with me though, through the traditions I have carried on, through the over decorating, the required viewing of White Christmas, spoiling my own kids, but most importantly, through my love of Christmas. That was one of the greatest gifts she ever gave, and one, I suppose, she never even realized she had given. I will always be so very grateful to my mom for everything she did to make Christmas special, for the precious memories we made, as well as memories made new because of her. She has left an enduring gift of her heart, and it is comforting to feel her presence during this festive time of  year.

    Having lost my mom and as well as many other people very dear to me, I know first hand how very difficult this time of year can be when we are missing a loved one. Our traditions are tied to those we shared them with, and their absence leaves an indescribable void. Even though it has been many years, I still feel a little sadness when I think of my mom, but as time passes the memories bring more smiles and gratitude than sadness. Through my own grieving I have learned that it's important to honour our feelings, and grief's unique path for each one of us. I have also learned to cherish my old memories and traditions, while remaining open to creating new ones. Time does seem to have a magical way of healing.

   To those of you who have experienced a loss recently or in the past, and are having difficulty during the season, my heart goes out to you. I wish you comfort, faith and strength. I hope you own the beautiful light that always shines within, and it becomes stronger than any darkness. I also hope, that with time, your life, and the Christmases to come, are sprinkled more and more, with the peace, light joy and love you once shared.

   Wishing everyone love, joy and good health for Christmas and in the New Year to come.

Missing You

How I miss you,

how bittersweet the memories 

 safely tucked inside my heart,

memories that bring a smile

   often tinged with sadness,

but more, and more
sprinkled ever so sweetly
with  joy,

for when I remember
 I can't help but feel blessed 

   for the time we shared,

 and the precious gift of love,

forever wrapped inside my heart 

from you...

Dedicated with love and gratitude to my mother, for creating such wonderful Christmas memories, and sharing the true spirit and magic of Christmas.

Building Bridges ...Having Compassion for one Another

  Although the American election is long over, it has left in it's wake waves of fear, anger, shock and uncertainty. Mr. Trump's outrageous views and behaviour appear to have given validation to those who see themselves as superior in some way, and has helped to embolden them to express their prejudices and hatred in very shocking and unacceptable ways. Like so many people I am tired of hearing about such negativity, and since we cannot change what has happened we must move on and discover the lessons to be learned so we can achieve the changes we so deeply desire and deserve.
  As a female in a same sex relationship I have compassion for those who are marginalized, and appalled and disheartened by the sexist, racial, homophobic prejudice that is present not only in the United States, but here at home in Canada. This will never shift if we remain silent for fear of being criticized or worse, retaliated against. We must speak our truth, share our beliefs, and help each other to be heard, respected, and treated with fairness and dignity. I understand that people may have different beliefs, and I accept mine are not shared by everyone, but it is time that we insist that although we may disagree on important issues, and have strongly opposing views, we are all equal, and have the right to be heard and express ourselves in an environment of mutual respect.
 At the heart of this issue is the need for us to start to value one another as human beings. No one person is more important than another, no one person has the right to bully, spew hatred, disregard, or harm another person because of their beliefs. We are not born with a set of beliefs, they are learned through our experiences and education, and therefore, they can be changed. We need to start to try to understand and accept one another, despite conflicting beliefs.
 Home of the brave? Brave people do not bully, or resort to name calling or violence just because someone is different. Truly courageous people fight for freedom and justice, they heroically step outside their comfort zones and open their hearts to opposing views, people and lifestyles. So many people are afraid of those who are different. So often it is fear and ignorance that feed prejudice. We need to learn about one another so we can develop compassion, for it is compassion that can create a powerful bridge between those who are blinded by each others differences.
  How do we bring about these changes when so many people are entrenched in their beliefs, and so many others feel defeated and powerless? We change that belief first, we are not powerless...we can change, we are powerful! Collectively we need to step out of the shadow fear casts over us, join together, and begin to talk to each other about our beliefs, our fears, our dreams and our experiences. Listening to one another helps us all learn. Change, real change that occurs within, comes about when we are open to changing our beliefs. We need to enlighten ourselves and one another in open, tolerant, and loving exchanges.
  It does not matter where you fit on this spectrum, whether you are one of the marginalized, one of the bullies or someone who distances themselves from getting involved, we all suffer because of it, and we will all benefit when it is healed. We must begin by changing our mindsets. We must have faith and a vision that we can create a world that is tolerant, loving, and kind. We must be part of the change in our own lives, one blog, one conversation, one small step at a time. We can do it!

If we could see into each others hearts

what is it we would see,

innocence and passion,

what stories would there be...

Would we see the walls

 that mask our fears,

resignation and indifference

born from too many tears,

would we learn compassion,

would we understand,

would we see ourselves

in our fellow man...

pbowman

Love lives here

This past weekend my partner and I had the pleasure of visiting friends to celebrate a special birthday. These friends own and operate a Gallery (which is a part of their home) near the small town of Magnetawan, in northern Ontario. The gallery, Windows to the North, showcases their own work as well as many other very talented local female artists, and is a beautiful gem poetically tucked away on the shores of Poverty Bay. It is a place that not only brings together artists, dreamers, friends, the LGBT community and the open minded, but perhaps more importantly, a place that nurtures their development.  

 Before the party, we were asked to write a few words that we associated with the birthday girl. The words came easily, for whenever I think of Sue and the oasis she has created with her partner Kay, I feel inspired. Their warm hospitality, combined with the beauty of the natural surroundings and lovely works of art creates a tranquil atmosphere that never fails to soothe my soul.
The party, in case you were wondering, was a great success, at least by my standards, for the house was filled with a diverse, supportive group of men and woman and the genuine warmth of friendship, love, acceptance, and community. Not a surprise then, that these are the words that came to mind when I thought of these wonderful ladies and the sanctuary they have created. 

Love Lives Here

In creative grace,

in warm embrace,

in open doors,

Love lives here...

In rainbow hues,

in tolerant views,

in open minds,

love lives here...

Amidst the tears,

despite any fears,

in open hearts,

love lives here...

In community

in possibility,

in weathered faith,

love lives here...

with a grateful heart,
 for the gift of friendship,

pbowman 

www.windowstothenorth.com 

Finding Joy

For those of us who were unable to escape winter's stubborn grip, it was a tough go this year, one that seemed to stretch way beyond our ability to tolerate the lack of sunshine, inner reflection and isolation that winter often brings. It's finally spring, and even though the weather hasn't fully caught on, I feel it's time we try to reclaim control, shed the winter blues, and begin creating more joy in our lives. Are you with me?

If you are with me, you may be wondering, exactly how do we do this... Glad you asked, I just happen to be blogging about it! I think we begin by deciding to feel better and assume greater responsibility for our happiness. We'll have to be firm, the ego, naughty girl, wants control and will most likely try to discourage us... A positive affirmation, such as I am creating more joy in my life, will be a great start. If you really want to tick off your ego, you can write the affirmation down, shout it from the rooftop, or just feel smug you have taken the first step to feeling happier! Congratulations!

OK, now that you have a new focus, and perhaps some neighbors are staring at you because you chose to yell it from the rooftop... (it was just a suggestion ) it's time to identify what makes you happy. A seemingly innocent question, but really, are you aware of what brings you joy? What puts a smile on your lips, makes your heart sing, or gets you feeling blissful? Take a moment to really think about it, and recall a few occasions when you felt really happy... and this time, maybe just write it down instead of getting on the roof. So, what came to mind? What brings you joy? Is it listening to music, a walk in nature, watching a great comedy, or being artistic? I love all of those, but one of my favourite ways to feel joy is to ride my bike, because it makes me feel like a kid again... (what brought you joy as a kid?)

Whatever it is that brings you joy, acknowledge it, be grateful, and start planning how you can get more of it in your life, starting today. Every morning make it part of your routine to ask yourself, how can I bring myself joy today? Chances are, if you make it a daily ritual, before too long, there will be all kinds of joy lining up waiting for the opportunity to let loose. Most likely, the things on your list will be simple, like a walk in the park, or gardening, or being with your grandchildren. The list will be unique for each one of us, but the benefits will be the same...our days will perk up with little bursts of light, we will begin to feel more optimistic, and our thoughts will be happier. Our positive energy and optimism will in turn affect those around us, joy expressed soon becomes joy multiplied...what feels better than that?

I realize that this exercise may be harder for some than for others, but the important thing is to recognize we all deserve to be happy, and how simple and beneficial it is to sprinkle some joy throughout our day. Joy decreases the effects of stress, and is a great source of motivation and inspiration. Joy is an integral part of who we all are, but it is up to us to get her to come out and play. She is there, beyond the blahs, beyond the tears, and fears, and daily stress. She is waiting in the wings and she will come alive when we nurture her. So do yourself a favor and get her to come out and play!

Joy

joy lives

 in a sacred space

  beyond reason and fear

in the playful light of our soul,

joy sings
in blissful harmony

when we break free

and dance to our own unique rhythm,

joy calls

from the sunflowers smile,

the meditative breath,

 from the laughter of a child...

joy multiplies

when we call her forth

give thanks for her spirit

and embrace she is ours...

Joy can always be found,
in light,
in love,
in hope...


pbowman

On the Wings of A Dove

Some friends of mine recently lost their mother. It happened rather quickly and gave them little time to prepare for something no one ever wants to experience, and never fully comprehends until they go through it themselves. Having lost my mom a number of years ago and having supported other good friends through their loss, it seems losing our mothers is a life event that is far more devastating and impactful than we could ever anticipate.
Most of us grow up idolizing our moms, then perhaps rebelling against, or resenting them, only to eventually come full circle to admire, respect and appreciate them. As adults we eventually realize all that they sacrificed for us, and all that they instilled in us. If we are lucky, we learn that mothers epitomize the beauty of the human spirit. We come to value motherhood as a shining example of the amazing love, healing, generosity, and selflessness we are capable of.  As children we tend to take our mothers for granted, and as adults we often pay too little attention to them. We under value the unconditional love they so freely offer until it is there no more and we must reluctantly begin the journey of fully understanding what a magnificent gift it was, and what a devastating hole it's absence leaves in our hearts.
My friends were fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with their mom, one to be admired. They went on many holidays together, and really valued the time they spent with one another. Even better, they had so much fun with one another. Because of this, I know that many of their memories will ring with the sound of laughter and the beautiful image of their mother's smile. Still, my heart goes out to them as they go through the painful ups and downs of the grieving process, a process that is unique for each of us, one that evolves and softens with time, but never fully goes away.
My dear friends, I cannot take away your pain, and quite honestly would not want to, for it is a testament to your mother's life, and part of what will help you heal. Little by little though, as you honor the pain and let it go, her legacy will begin to fill in the shattered spaces of your heart with the unconditional love and gifts she left behind, many of which, you have yet to discover.
To three ladies I am honored to call friends, continue to support and love one another as your mother did, and to all of you who are also on this journey, I wish you much love and light along the way.

Mom

I will always love you,

for you are 

the softness in my soul,

the joy,

the strength,

and the comfort...
I will always feel you with me,

for you are
 the angelic echo in my heart,

reminding me I'm loved,
 brought ever so gently 
on the wings of a dove...

pbowman

In loving memory of Frances Elliott