Love, Loss and Warm Fuzzies With love and in hounor of Michael

 

                                                                             

My beautiful brother in law Michael passed away very suddenly last week, leaving us all in shock, and many of us regretting that we hadn't been in touch more frequently. His death leaves a terrible void in the lives of those who knew and loved him for he was one of those rare individuals who had the gift of being able to light up every room he walked into. With his warm heart and great sense of humor, Michael had a way of putting everyone at ease, so it was always fun to spend time with him. A devoted father, husband, friend, and family man, it seemed as if there were no limits to his generosity and caring. Just thinking about him makes me smile, but also incredibly sad that I will never see him again, or be blessed by one of his big bear hugs.

I doubt that Michael knew what an impact he had on people, especially those who loved him, unfortunately, this is probably true for most people, which makes me think that perhaps one of the gifts that Michael leaves behind is a reminder for us to tell our friends and family what we appreciate about them, and what makes them so special in our lives. I think if we did, a lot of people would be pleasantly surprised not only by the way they are perceived, but the little blessings they are sharing without even realizing it.

 I often wonder why we wait for people to pass on before we sing their praises. When I was teaching, one of my favorite activities with my students was to have them share "warm fuzzies" with one another. This was a simple exercise where they would write down the things they liked about each other on a warm fuzzy note. I wish I had sent Mike a warm fuzzy.

This Christmas, or in the coming New Year, in honor of all the Michaels in our lives, I encourage you to give the gift of a warm fuzzy to the special people in your life. You could place the notes in Christmas cards or stockings, or you could adopt a new habit of telling people why you love and appreciate them. I promise you, it's a gift everyone will love, and one you'll actually be thankful for if it's returned. 

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one this season, my sincere condolences. I hope that in between the waves of grief and loss and pain, waves of joy, peace, and love wash into your heart as well. 

with love and light,

Penny

Michael,

You were such a joyful light

for us all,

every room you walked into lit up

with the enthusiasm and love 

you shared so easily,

I doubt you knew that,

and I doubt if you did 

it would have mattered,

for you seemed to care 

more about just living...

pursuing your passions,

helping others, 

sharing a laugh,

and taking care of those you loved,

Without knowing it

 you helped us all

 see the lighter side of life,

and one of your greatest legacies 

is not just the joy we felt

in your presence...

but the smile that will come,

and the joy that we'll feel

every time we remember you...

with gratitude and love, 

Penny

Resurrecting Hope

                        

                                                                                                          

I have spent quite a few years on a healing journey that until recently seemed to be going in circles. I was losing hope that I would ever feel like myself again. Living alone, I thought too much solitude was part of the problem, but, in retrospect, I think it served an important role and was a reminder to have faith in myself and the journey, even when it doesn't seem to make sense. Just as spring encourages us to have hope, faith does as well, for it nurtures the belief that all shall be well.

The turning point in my journey quite literally, came out of the blue, and with the help of some eagles. After spotting an eagle circling above me twice in the same week, I saw it as a sign, and meditated on the message it might be offering. During that meditation, I became an eagle, ( highly recommend it!) and was able to look down on my life with a new perspective and clarity. Things that confused me for so long, began to make sense, and I could see the connection between the choices I had made, their consequences, and the patterns that I had been repeating. I also understood that patience and faith can be choices, but even more important, beautiful acts of self love and compassion. I realized that although I like myself, I still have a lot of work to do, to really love myself. The journey, as they say, never ends... 

It is with love and compassion that I share this story so those of you who are also struggling won't give up or lose hope. Our difficult times can be very frustrating and painful, but I urge you to keep an open mind, and have faith in yourself and your journey. The contrast in our lives can serve as a powerful catalyst for spiritual growth, which, in my experience, always comes with a beautiful gift. Whether that gift is expanding our ability to let go, forgive, or have compassion, it enriches our lives, brings us more joy, and deepens our ability to love. So, dear friends, if you are in the midst of a growth spurt, be patient and kind with yourself, stay open to what it can teach you, and believe that you will not only get through it, but reap some wonderful rewards. It seems that faith, like spring, doesn't always come when you want it but it does have the power to resurrect hope and give birth to beautiful opportunities.

from my heart to yours,

love and light,

Penny

 

We are the light

Sometimes

we think we are the darkness,

the thoughts that drag us down, 

the hurts, the disappointments,

the loneliness...

but we are not..

.

We, are the whispers from within

that summon courage and strength,

we are the sun

that pushes through

on cloudy days,

we are the weathered faith 

that anchors us,

We are hope,

resurrected time and time again,

 we are not the darkness,

We, are the light ...

pbowman

Choosing Miracles

 

                            

The blues chased me again today,

and I was tired, so instead of running

I paused, closed my eyes

and took a deep breath...

and together, my heart and I

turned to face them,

and for awhile we listened,

their story was sad,

but it was just a story,

a familiar one,

 made up to protect me

but one that would only

keep me in the shadows...

because it wasn't a true story,

  it wasn't who I was

  or who I wanted to be,

So I thanked the blues

and we turned to face the sun,

we inhaled deeply, closed our eyes,

and basked in her warmth...

and it was in that moment, 

we finally understood

we had a choice

we could listen to the blues, 

or choose the miracle,

and since the sun felt so much better,

with a sigh of relief

we turned our backs on the blues,

and feeling blessed, gave thanks for the sun,

and the moon, and the stars,

and all the little miracles

we knew would be waiting for us that day...

Here's to choosing miracles... 

Sending love and light, and good vibrations,

Penny Bowman

Remembering Mac.... The Best Gifts We Can Share

 

Giving gifts at Christmas is a lovely tradition that brings a lot of joy on one day, but as I was wrapping my gifts the other night, I remembered something I wrote last year, "the best gifts are the ones we share every day, often without even knowing it," and I wondered if Mac knew...

Mac was a former neighbor of mine who recently passed away. On hearing the news, the first thing I felt was a sense of relief, thinking he would finally be at peace. Mac suffered from dementia and hearing loss, which created many challenges for him and his wife. After the initial feeling of relief, I felt sad for his wonderful wife Rose, who was a devoted caregiver and undeniable blessing in his life. Selfishly, I also felt sad because I knew I would never receive one of his big bear hugs again or feel the sense of peace I often felt when I was with him.

Mac was one of those people who had a way of making my heart feel lighter. From the moment I met him I felt a kinship, perhaps because he reminded me of my father in law, who I adored, or perhaps because he was just a very kind, intuitive man who had a gentle way about him that put me at ease. I felt seen when I was with him.

Mac was also a passionate man who openly expressed his love and admiration and for his wife Rose. She was, especially in the last few years, the wind beneath his wings, and he told me on many occasions how fortunate he felt to have her. Mac was also passionate about his beloved dogs and his vacations in Portugal, and no matter how many times he shared stories about them, it was a treat, for his enthusiasm was contagious. Being with Mac was like being showered in good energy.

Unfortunately, Mac, like so many others, has passed during a time when it is difficult to get together to pay our respects. I share this remembrance of him to express my gratitude for the blessing both he and his wife were in my life, something they most likely never realized, for they were words unspoken.

These little gifts that Mac, and all of us share everyday with friends and family and neighbors, really are the best gifts we could ever give, especially at Christmas when so many people are stressed by the season or struggling with difficult emotions. These little gifts cost nothing, but really can bring comfort and joy to hearts in need. So reach out to someone today and share your beautiful light, I guarantee it will make a difference in their day.

Finally, dear, sweet, Mac, I hope you know that even though you were not a big part of my life, when you were in it you made a big difference... just by being you. Thank you for seeing me, thank you for your kindness, gentle nature, and open heart, I felt uplifted every time we met, even when it was just in passing. My heart is so grateful for having known you, thankyou for sharing your beautiful light and reminding me how much that can mean to those we share it with. 

love and light back at you,

Penny

  

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The Wonder of You... A tribute to children with Cancer

 

This August I am riding in the Sick Kid's Hospital Great Cycle Challenge to fight kids' cancer, and I must say it has become a source of inspiration and hope for me. As a part of the fundraising efforts I have had the privilege of reading the stories of many of the children we are riding for. Going through cancer as a adult is difficult, but to face that challenge as a child is way beyond anything someone young should have to experience, and yet, their stories reflect amazing courage, resilience and strength that far exceeds their years. 

I am humbled to be able to ride in support of these children and inspired by the grace, dignity and strength they demonstrate. It is my hope that some day we will not need to ride any more, but in the meantime, I pray that every child will be well again, and that the light they shine so beautifully in spite of their challenges gives the rest of us a reason to to be inspired, stronger, kinder and more loving.

Many, many thanks to those of you who have sponsored the challenge, you are an essential part of keeping those little lights shining. If you have not already donated and would like to please use the link at the bottom of the page. 

The Wonder of You

Like a delicate flower

blown about in the wind

you are stronger,

far more resilient,

and much more beautiful

than you realize,

but we,

we who have watched you grow,

we who love you... we know,

and every day, we give thanks,

and are inspired

by the sheer wonder of you!

light and love,

penny bowman

 https://greatcyclechallenge.ca/Riders/PennyBowman

Unbreakable... The Spirit of Ukraine

 

Unbreakable

 

Our hearts break

as we witness the unthinkable, 

haunted by the eyes of

innocent children,

 mothers and fathers,

 soldiers and citizens,

 eyes that cannot mask

the burden they bear,

eyes reflecting such deep sorrow,

eyes not certain of tomorrow

only the horrors of today,

mournful reflections

of lives lost, and torn apart

by a greedy lust for power

 while the world watches in horror

too afraid to challenge madness...

history repeating itself,

what have we learned...

our weary hearts confused, and overwhelmed

 slowly grow numb,

but a nation's spirit

 does not concede,

instead it lights up the world

with it's courage and love,

and empowers itself

to stand bravely alone

redefining the meaning of courage

and reminding the world

that no matter how dark the days become,

not even a mad man has the power

 to break a nations spirit...

 

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Ukraine, and to the collective hearts that suffer alongside them. I know people around the world are united in prayer for their well being and the peace and freedom they deserve. May this light and love we share bring some small comfort.

respectfully, with love and light,

Penny Bowman

The Gift of Self Compassion

                                                                                  

During our lives most of us will experience the pain of losing, or being hurt by people we love, and quite often, we will react by shutting down in a rather misguided attempt to protect our hearts. Unfortunately, this does not help,  for it holds us back from the very things that can heal us, compassion, and love... Contrary to our instincts, we need to keep our hearts open, for it is only with open hearts that we can receive the healing and wisdom required to move on and learn from the experience. For many of us, this takes time, and that's ok. Although the journey is unique for each of us, we all benefit when we remain receptive to the love and support around us, and have faith that things will eventually get better.

  Like an open window, an open heart allows us to experience life with a fresh perspective so we can gain new insights. Surprisingly, one of my greatest insights was to understand that not all hearts are the same, they don't all hold a similar amount of compassion and love. With this realization, I stopped expecting other people to respond as I might, and I learned to appreciate my own capacity for compassion. Even more importantly, I realized that I needed to extend that compassion to myself. Like so many of you, I can be my own biggest critic, and not as gentle with myself as I am with others. Most people, (ourselves included,) are doing the best they can, given what they know.

For those of you who can relate to this, and are mending a broken heart, or struggling emotionally, I extend my love, and wish you a journey filled with beautiful insights, healing, and the compassion of those around you. Even more importantly, I wish you all one of the greatest gifts and acts of love we can give ourselves... the art of self compassion and love. 

love and light my friends,

Penny

Open Hearts and Windows

 I will not close my heart,

 I will keep it open

  like a window that invites 

     in the breeze,

      so that love's healing touch

        might wash over me 

         and guide me back

           to who I am,

             and the gifts

               of compassion

                  that await...

        

                    penny bowman

  

Lightkeepers

 

A few years ago I wrote a blog celebrating the uplifting emotions we associate with Christmas and I realize now how short sighted I was. The past few Christmas's most of us have been on an emotional roller coaster ride, doing our best to take things in stride. Those of us that can be with our family are counting our blessings, very aware many others will not have that opportunity. The pandemic has not only taken far too many lives, but has systematically altered the way we live them, including how we celebrate Christmas. Understandably, it has had a huge impact on our emotional wellbeing, as well as the way we look at life. It has definitely helped me gain a broader, more compassionate perspective of the "feelings" of Christmas. 

In perfect world, Christmas should be an uplifting, joyful time for everyone, but unfortunately it is not. For many people it is a time that magnifies emotions, especially those those struggling with depression, health issues, loss, or stress. The season, best known for bringing peace and joy can also be a trigger for depression, loneliness, and anxiety, and we need to acknowledge and have compassion for the duality. That contrast of emotions became apparent to me the other day when I was dropping off gifts to dear friends of mine. I felt the joy that comes from sharing, tinged with the sadness of being limited to a quick visit at the door. Safe to say, Christmas has always stirred up a mixed bag of emotions, it just seems more painfully apparent to many of us now.

Given our circumstances, it's important that we are kind and gentle with ourselves and one another, and allow whatever feelings surface to be expressed in a safe, non judgmental space. During these extraordinarily stressful times I also feel it is very important that we do our best to share our light with one another so we don't lose hope. A compassionate heart and little acts of kindness, like sharing Christmas baking, or calling someone, might be the spark of light that brightens someone's day and fuels their optimism. By reaching out we are saying, I hope you know I care, I hope you know you're not alone, I hope things get better soon, too... We are sharing hope. 

So, in the mix of all the emotions you'll feel this season, I wish you many joyful, uplifting ones. I also pray you find reasons to feel hope and optimism in the New Year, so you might become a "lightkeeper" and shine that bright beautiful light of yours into a world that desperately needs that right now.

The light of love

shines brightest

in the smallest of gifts,

a kind word,

a thoughtful deed,

a listening ear,

what greater gift 

than sparks of light and love

that might blossom into hope...

love and light,

Penny Bowman

More than a Number

 

 

More than a Number

From the beginning of this pandemic, it has always bothered me to see people's lives reduced to a number. I think if we had put faces and stories to the numbers, perhaps it would have really helped grieving families, given some respect and honor to those who have died, and possibly influenced people's behaviors. Perhaps putting a face to the numbers might have made it more real, and helped us to respond from a place of love, rather than fear...

I am so much more than a number,

yesterday I was a mother, father, husband, wife, partner,

daughter, son, sibling, friend,

why does that no longer matter..

and I am just a number in the end...

Yesterday I was a heart that loved, and was loved,

yesterday, I had a face and a story,

today I am just another casualty,

in a war I did not choose,

in a world caught up in numbers..

Would it be so hard to honor us,

to tell our stories, share our faces, record our names,

Would it make it too real, or just real enough

to stir hearts, to inspire some changes,

to transform darkness into light...

We are the same, you and I,

And we are so much more than just a number...

Penny Bowman

Love's Reflections

Lonely hearts

stay strong,

love is always present,

you, dear one,

are never alone...

for I have sent the stars

to bring light 

in the darkness,

the sun  

to add warmth

to your day,

and the moon

to remind you

phases come and go, 

Do not be disheartened

by cloudy skies

they come and go,

focus on that which fosters faith,

and brings a smile,

for the sun and the moon and the stars

are love's reflections,

and with you every day...

Penny Bowman