May the Light Linger

My brother in law passed away very recently after a very lengthy and traumatic stay in the hospital. Needless to say it is a time of tremendous sorrow. It is also a time for the process of healing to begin. Although we live miles apart, I believe my love is with my family, even when I am not, for we are connected, like all families, in ways that cannot be seen but are felt with the heart and soul.
As painful as it is to see my sister and her family grieving, it is comforting to know that our family is supporting one another, and the bond  that we share is an important part of the healing journey. Being a writer my thoughts and feelings are often processed and more easily expressed by writing them down, and so I offer these words as little pieces of  my love and strong faith that together, we will get through this difficult time and help one another to let the light and love linger a little longer, a little easier, with each passing day.

Let the tears flow,
let the sadness have its say,
let the wind bring sweet memories,
let the love forever stay,

Let our hearts slowly mend,
 the light linger more each day,
let us savour all our blessings,
and hold each other dearer,
this I pray...

With love and respect for a wonderful man who had a special way of always focusing on the light in others.

Love Who You Are

You Are Beautiful

For all of us who are marginalised, discriminated against, bullied and abused, you are not what others say or do...

You are love,

Inclusive love,

The only real love that exists,

You are courage,

Courage no one should ever require,

No bully will ever know,

You are decency and kindness,

A compassionate vision

That makes this world a better place,

You are strength,

A beautiful inner strength

 That builds a nation proud,

You are light,

A beacon that inspires

The world to do better...

You are so much more

Than even you know...

You are beautiful

 Know it,

 Own it,

Love who you are...

PBowman

Finding Courage

Unfortunately, there are often times in our lives when we are faced with challenges that require tremendous courage. When this happens our fears often dominate our thoughts, and we must fight to take back control so we can begin to focus more positively. It is a time when the support of family and friends is invaluable.
 None of us can ever really know what another person is going through, our experiences are unique, but what we can do is encourage one another to look for the light, and allow ourselves to nurture faith, even though it may seem elusive. We must learn to step back and recognize whether we are in a state of fear or love, and choose the path that empowers us. We must try to keep our hearts and minds open, and practice compassion for ourselves and each other. 
What we focus on grows, so let's help each other focus on our amazing ability to find strength and resilience under extraordinary circumstances, and the courage we never knew we had.

For all the healthcare workers and essential frontline workers who define courage, and those people close to us who inspire courage daily, thank you!!

Courage

Inside

courage waits,

to help us face,

life's greatest challenges

with dignity and grace,

Inside

strength hides,

far beyond what we knew,

an amazing reservoir,

that will carry us through,

Inside

faith burns,

our candle in the dark,

to light our way,

it begins as a spark,

Tremendous courage

and strength,

and faith

 lie within,

waiting, just waiting,

for us to come in...

Penny Bowman

Beyond Medals...The Spirit of Victory

The Spirit of Sport

Most people will never have the experience of competing in the Olympics. Those that do are the exceptional athletes who are willing to train and make huge sacrifices to reach an impressive goal...to win a medal, to be the best in the world. Those who achieve that goal become instant heros and are bathed in the acculades and media attention deserving of such an accomplishment. But what about those who do not win a medal or even achieve their goals? To me they are heros too, amazing people like Adam van Koeverden (Canadian Olympic kayak sprinter) who inspire us by the depth of their dedication and their true love of sport. Athletes like Adam who show such grace, wisdom and vulnerability not only after a victory, but even more impressively, after a devastating loss.
We all face defeat at times, but not under such exceptional cirmstances and the scruntiny of the world minutes after that defeat. To be able to walk through that with such dignity and openness tell us so much about these athletes and inspires those of  us watching, not to become an Olympian perhaps, but to become the kind of person who has such tremendous strength and heart.
I probably won't remember who won medals in the 2016 Olympics, but I will remember Adam Koeverden and athletes like him who remind us what is truly important in life, and what real success is. No, I won't remember who won what medal once the games are over, but I will remember the spirit of all the Olympians who gave everything they had, chose not to be defeated, and in so doing, gave themselves and the world something way more valuable than a medal!

The Spirit of Victory

we hear the call

to compete,

to be our best...

we dig deep,

we open up,

we conquer fears...

the ultimate challenge of

body and mind

and spirit...

all else is

just the stage,

for true victory

lies inside...

Penny Bowman
pennyb151@gmail.com

A Writer's got to write... Answering the call

 For a long time I have aspired to, but felt undeserving of being called a writer....  Rather amusing in retrospect because no matter my skill level, I am a writer... it is something I am inspired to do, and despite my inner turmoil with the title, the call to write has a strong hold on me. Just like a player's got to play, a writer it seems, got to write.
 I am grateful to have persisted because it is a perfect medium for someone like myself who seeks connection. Writing motivates me to go inside and listen to my own thoughts, and more importantly, my spirit. When I share, it connects me with others, most often in a much deeper way than I normally would. I also find myself out in nature, and socializing more as sources of inspiration.
Whatever the motivation, I realize now that my preoccupation with what I have to offer was not the real underlying issue. It was not so much about the value of what I had to say, but my reluctance to share my deepest thoughts and  feel vulnerable. As my daughter recently reminded me though, sometimes the best things in life happen when we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable and take chances.
Very true for me since I have been richly rewarded by sharing my ramblings. Writing has helped me to see and explore the deepest parts of my mind and spirit. Like a softlly lit mirror, writing has gently revealed my inner beauty, my scars, my light and my truth. It has helped me to feel more comfortable with being vulnerable and accept it as an important stepping stone to growth. I've learned that for me, writing is as much about what I can offer to others as it is about discovering  and supporting myself.
Although I am still hesitant to call myself a writer ( more about labels another time) I realize that it is something I am meant to do. The drive to write has been encouraged over and over during my meditations and journaling, thanks to the patient and persistent voice of my inner wisdom. Even with that, every time I share, I still feel somewhat exposed and a little nervous. I reveal this knowing many, many others feel the same, painters, poets, photographers, etc. and I strongly encourage everyone who is resisting a creative calling to embrace the artist within that is waiting to take you on a beautiful journey of self discovery. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable and respond to those nudges from your soul. We are not all meant to be famous but we are all meant to answer our own cries for creative expression, and be the best we can be!

The Song Within

within each of us

 a song unheard.

will you listen, 

will you wonder,

will you

ignore reason,

jump into the unknown

and feel what it is 

to fly

if only for a moment...

will you let the wind

pick you up 

take you places

beyond the imagined...

places that

light you up from within, 

places

that feel like home...

pbowman

An Open Heart

There are times when we all feel like shutting down, when we are hurt by others and feel the need to protect ourselves. It seems logical and yet I believe it is one of the worst things we can do, and, contrary to our instincts, does not make sense.
When we are hurt by something someone has said or done it seems counter productive to me to shut down the very thing that can heal us...our love. Keeping our hearts open allows us to think more positively and to give ourselves the love and compassion we need, and to accept it from others. It also enables us to have compassion and forgiveness for those who have hurt us. Carrying around grudges and anger can be a heavy load that weighs us down with bitterness and cynicism.
It is our hearts that know the truth about who we are and can lead us to our inner wisdom when our minds might lead us astray. An open heart can give us a new perspective, help us take a step back from our egos, and shed light on our darker moments. Having an open heart does not hurt us, it is the gentle wave that would wash away the pain other people and our own misguided thinking might inflict..
Our hearts never close on their own, they are open doors, and we need only walk through them. When we do, they will be there, in the peaceful stillness, softly reminding us, we have a depth and beauty within that never waivers, for love is who we are... So when you might want to close your heart, go visit it instead, and listen... you just might just find yourself a new best friend!

The truth is,
love is who we are...
beautiful,
mystical,
magical love,
love that can heal us
and remind us
of our truth,

An open heart
is like a bud that
seeks the light
and thus blossoms
revealing a depth
and inner beauty
that divinely exceeds
what our minds might imagine...

pennybowman

Getting Inspired!

When I write it is most often a because someone or something has touched me deeply in a way that feeds my spirit. I love to write for it deepens the connection that I have with myself as well as others, and helps me appreciate the source of my inspiration, whether it be friends, fellow travellers, or this beautiful planet we live on.
Currently I am most inspired by the children who are battling cancer, difficult enough for an adult, these children demonstrate such courage, determination, hope, faith, and resilience at such tender ages. Many thanks for your amazing spirits and the inspiration you ignite! You are the real heros!

I am inspired by the human spirit

the hope mirrored in your face,

by inner strength and wisdom

and unrelenting grace...

I am inspired by kindred smiles,

tiny drops of dew,

cloud spotted summer skies

painted on an endless canvas of blue,

I am inspired by the sounds of laughter

and waves greeting the shore,

compassion and forgiveness,

knowing what I am here for...

I am inspired by words unspoken,

our souls collective cry,

by dreams and cherished moments,

the miracle of you and I...

pbowman

You are More

 At some point in our lives we all face tremendous challenges that push us to our limits emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. We are often left feeling less than. Although each journey is unique, how we respond during a crisis is a reflection of our common vulnerabilities and strengths, but more importantly, the powerful human spirit that weaves through every one of our hearts.

One of my greatest challenges in life was healing my physical, and emotional bodies after three recurrences of melanoma. I learned a great deal on my journey, and had the honour and privilege through a Canadian Cancer peer support program to help others as well. It was through this program, the support from my own mentors, and mentoring others since, that I learned a very inspiring truth. We are far more than we think. We are stronger, more courageous, more resilient, and more loved.

Although none of us have identical experiences, it seems at some point during a crisis we grow physically tired and disheartened and often feel like giving up. We grieve what we have lost, we long for normal to return. We are thrown in an emotional vortex that we and our caretakers can only honor and allow to take it's course. Unfortunately, in the midst of our emotional struggles and pain we often forget that we are not our diagnosis, our situations, our bodies, or our thoughts. We forget that we are powerful, miraculous spiritual beings.

In a world that too often is divisive, it's refreshing to remember that we are all more alike than than we are different. Our journeys are not black and white. Like a roller coaster, our lives are filled with ups and downs and plateaus which come seasoned with a myriad of emotions. Whether it be tremendous joy or heart wrenching sorrow it is important that we help each other to walk through what we must while still remembering our innate strengths and inner power. Let's be there for one another, and when we have forgotten, with respect and compassion, let's lovingly remind each other; we are more!

You are More

I may not fully know
 your burden

or the pain
that sits in your heart,
but I will walk beside you
and I will know
that you are more...

When the time is right,
I will whisper the truth...
you
are more resilient,
more courageous,
more powerful,
and more loved
than you know...

pbowman

With thanks to my brother in law,  for the inspired reminder.

Being a Mother

Miracle Unfolding

Motherhood brings with it the greatest joys we'll ever experience, but it also gives birth to our greatest fears, insecurities and life lessons. The idea that once you hold your newborn in your arms you are changed forever was not a cliche for me. In fact, the transformation began earlier during the pregnancies, when I, like most mothers, felt a strong bond with my unborn children and a love I could not describe. Holding them was the opportunity to affirm that love and to experience it on a much deeper level. Not to steal a line from the Grinch, but I think being a mom definitely makes your heart grow several sizes! A fairly important upgrade, since motherhood requires tremendous love, sacrifice and humility.

So many of the challenges associated with being a mother can be attributed to the fact that our adorable babies do not come with manuals... and even though our hearts are bigger, we dive into an unknown realm sleep deprived, idealistic, and overly protective. From the moment my girls were born, I felt the responsibility that comes with caring for them. I wanted to be a good mom, and prepare them to be loving, responsible, happy adults.( All this, without a manual) I knew raising children would not be easy, and that I would make mistakes, but I did not realize it would be so difficult to get the information and support all parents desperately need. Interesting, that our government requires us to pass a test to demonstrate we can drive a car, yet we do not have any programs in place to help new parents prepare for the most important role of their lives... I think it would be very beneficial if there were ongoing parenting classes and resources offered ( perhaps even mandatory) to assist parents along the most important journey of their lives. 

I have been a parent for over thirty years now, my children, now adults have created wonderful lives for themselves, so I suppose their dad and I would get a passing grade. I still feel their pain, take pride in their accomplishments, give free advice ( occasionally worth listening to) and want the best for them. No matter their age, or mine, I imagine I will always feel a protective instinct, love them unconditionally and wonder at times if I am doing the right thing. 

After all these years, I also wonder why on Mother's day, our children give presents to us, for they are the gift. To give life to someone, to watch a miracle unfold and have the opportunity to love and be loved unconditionally, is beautiful and life altering. Being a mom has made me a better person, it has enriched my life beyond expectations, it has challenged me, inspired my soul, and yes, made my heart grow bigger. Therefore, I cannot end this without thanking my children for their love, support, acceptance, and forgiveness. I have learned along the way, made plenty of mistakes, and had my share of victories, but most importantly I have realized what a blessing it is to be on this journey with them. 

 Being a mother is a gift that inspires great compassion in our hearts, and the spiritual wisdom and light of our souls. As they have grown, so have I, amidst the joy, angst, fear, pride, and overwhelming love. I just hope my children know, that when Mother's day rolls around, any present they give me is just icing on the cake, because since the day they were born, they are, and always will be, the greatest gift I have ever received.

 

For My Children

I feel blessed
 to be part of 
 a miracle unfolding...

please know
you are wonderful

just the way you are

 your strengths,

and your flaws,

create the perfect
 evolving you...

know that

and you bring joy

and light
 and love 
into the world
with your unique
 and oh so beautiful 
 hearts and souls..

love you more than words...

Finding Beauty Wherever You Are

After going on a Caribbean cruise and returning to frigid, snowy weather in northern Ontario, it seems only natural that a person might feel somewhat let down and a little nostalgic for warm temperatures and pristine turquoise waters. Sorry to disappoint all the winter haters, but last week as I was driving down the highway on a blue sky, -26 degree celsius morning, I felt a sense of elation and awe (and quite frankly a little surprise) as I looked out the window and was drawn into the rugged natural beauty that surrounded me. I felt as if I were a part of  it, and, ( perhaps I should only be sharing this part with my therapist) I must say, it was like getting a great big hug from Mother Nature herself!
The towering rock cuts bordering both sides of the highway ( formed from blasting through tons of rock) seemed even more impressive than usual, perhaps because they were softened by layers of snow that seemed to have been painted on with a brush. Artistic swirls and powdery white waves of snow hung gracefully over the edges of the rocks, transforming them into pieces of art. I was also mesmerised by the giant frozen waterfalls that hung motionless, their strong, frigid grip securing them safely against the ancient walls of granite. It was as if the water's momentum had been magically halted in order to sculpt these massive, icy, moments in time.
I would have liked to have taken a photograph, but there was no safe place to stop, and I did not want to actually become one with the nature. I have included a picture that is similar to what I saw, ( taken at the French River ) but not quite as spectacular as what I saw along the highway.
As I continued to drive that morning, I was reminded that there is beauty to be found everywhere. We are immersed in it whether we are on a Caribbean beach, the city streets of Toronto, or a northern Ontario highway... often, it's just a matter of acquiring the right perspective, and taking the time to open our eyes and hearts so we can appreciate what is in front of us.
So my fellow travellers, wherever you are on this beautiful planet, ( especially if you are not thrilled to be there at this moment ) I hope you discover the beauty that's waiting to give you a hug!

Beauty 

turquoise blue waters,

  pink quartz

kissed by the sun,

flower petals

smooth metals,

sculpted each one...

painted canvas

painted skin,

 painted sky,
up above, 

thus

beauty is found

 in all things
made with love...

pbowman

For the Love of Friends

Throughout our lives we meet a lot of people, and if we are fortunate, we make a lot of friends. Like wine, some become our favourites right away, others take awhile to appreciate, still others get better and better with age.
Just recently my partner and I had the opportunity to make some new friends who we instantly liked and felt at home with. Like old souls meeting up after a long absence, we felt a comfort and and kinship with them that defied logic and kindled a familiar feeling of belonging in our hearts.
It got me thinking about friendship in general, and it occurred to me that whether our friends have been longtime companions, or are new sparks of light in our lives, they are invaluable gems that faithfully inspire and support us on our journeys. They are the people who pick us up when we fall down, become our cheerleaders, our voice of reason, our clowns, our companions, and our sounding boards. Friends are a lifelong source of joy, comfort and unconditional love. Unlike family, they choose us...even when we are broken, even when we have nothing to give back.
During my sixty odd years of life ( and they have been odd...) I have always been able to rely on my friends to help me navigate through the shadows as well as celebrate the light. In retrospect, it seems as if they have had an almost magical quality, always appearing just when I needed them the most.
So this Valentine's Day, I want to thank all my friends, old and new for your love. Thank you for supporting me, for encouraging me, laughing with me, crying with me, and believing in me.  As I get older, I have an even greater appreciation for this bond we call friendship, it has been a guiding light in my life, and a safe haven for my heart. My deepest gratitude, dear friends, you mean the world to me.

It is our friends

who answer the call

of our weary hearts,

who understand without words,

who see inside the darkness

and  help bring us back to the light...

it is our friends
who inspire joy,
and unconditional love,
who sing the same song,

 and share this magical bond

of kindred souls...

pbowman

Reaching Out...Let's Talk

Reaching Out

It is Bell Let's Talk Day, and I am so happy that we are finally having great conversations about mental health issues. So many people are suffering silently, and so many others are wanting to be supportive, but not understanding what is going on, or what to do. Often we do not even know a friend or family member has a problem. We may suspect there is an issue, and are puzzled by behaviours, but unable to make sense of them, without the appropriate frame of reference and information. It is a little like trying to support someone with a broken arm if they did not tell us and they were not wearing a cast.

 Both those who suffer from mental illness, and those who care, need to be educated and start sharing with one another. We need to take a leap of faith and reach out to one another and begin the process of healing. There should be no shame or stigma attached to mental health issues, the only shame should be if we judge or do nothing.
Thank you, Bell Let's Talk!

talk to me

I may not fully understand

for I have not walked in your shoes,

but I care deeply,

and I will listen

with an open mind and heart,

 I will lend my courage and strength,

and hold your hand

until the darkness

turns to light 

once more...

pbowman